Earning Stripes

I recently had the good fortune to attend a lovely classical music dinner gala and the bad fortune of sitting next to a not so lovely character during the dinner session. The thing is this unsavory character is a business mogul (aptly labeled Chairman) who has earned his stripes, but completely lacks decent table manners in terms of small talk and is also well known for his voracious appetite for young ladies who he entices at any open opportunity with his wallet. Well on this night he had met his challenge as he is used to company that constantly sucks up and has made him unaware of his bigoted behavior and I think he has not met a young one who is pro-wallet first! One rude comment from him was enough to elicit a taciturn reply that shut him up a few minutes before he came up with another only to find an immediate sardonic response from my end. This prompted the guy to down a couple of pints and finding no more mocking left in him, left our table to go terrorize some poor diplomat who cringed at the sight of Mr. Bigot’s approach as he yelled his name- Poor guy! After that the tension at the table lifted and everyone looked at me in a different way- considering they were previously unaware of my presence on the table. I had earned my stripes as well ;)

Male Summer Bunny Woes

Having drinks with summer bunnies- summer bunny (singular) is usually an experience in itself, indescribable because the turn of events when drinking with them is always unpredictable. For those of you wondering what summer bunnies are-fear not I do not get cute little furry creatures to imbibe in alcohol with me, summer bunnies is a term used to describe-scratch that, it’s the label on people who go study abroad and come back to Nairobi over summer with a bang, literally. Most of the time the summer bunnies I catch pints with are chicks, but at this particular time, there was a male one in the group as we were catching a frost after lunch on a Monday afternoon.

He had woes and I mean woes like some oga flick/Mexican soap opera. Being the token black guy in one of those European countries where miros (Africans/blacks) are a rare occurrence, he always has Caucasian women all over him. And now the woes start because he has one who he was having fun times with and has ended up falling for him and another who he is falling for and has a thing with without the ‘fun times’ girl’s knowledge. I know it sounds like one of those Mexican tele-novelas, but this is true. To make matters spicier he brings the two girls back to Kenya for holiday and continues the cat and mouse games from this end with both girls nearly having a mild territorial bout of sorts over him, by the time the girls go back he is still confused on who to date and was asking us for advice, I was beyond gobsmacked and of totally no help. And I drifted off kidogo as I enjoyed my drink and then got dragged back into the conversation as they (male and female bunnies) casually talked about how Caucasian women ‘buy’ boobs-implants, well that was the end of the session as I realised that my time was up and I had to leave.

Pool Therapy

The other day I had a bit of pool/snooker therapy with a good male friend who I have known for about ten years. We always have ‘therapy session’ lunches, but this time we made it into a snooker/pool one (since your truly cannot play this game to save her life and he offered to show me how it’s done.) The main therapy topic this time was relationships- how Nairobians most of the time can’t seem to understand certain boundaries and how traditional chauvinistic traits have slowly, but surely started entrenching themselves in modern/current relationships. So as I poorly navigated the balls on the table with my q-stick (hope that's the proper spelling) and multi-tasked that with bitching and offering insights with my boy, we came to a conclusion of sorts-you have to know your partner well enough to navigate your relationship like the snooker balls, there always has to be a winner and a loser in some situations that might rock the relationship. Calculate your mover before potting- know how far the limits are before pushing your partner’s buttons, lose gracefully- nobody likes a sore loser, sometimes let the weaker player win- you do not always have to win the argument and last but not least follow the rules of the game- partners in a relationship should always respect each other. In short forget the traditional chauvinistic tendencies (days of women serving men on their knees, popping 50 kids because their man says so, men dragging women by the hair and slapping their teeth off are long gone and getting away with it !) and act as adults in a relationship, that's the best way to play the relationship game.

Screwed Nobody

With my forays into tarmacking (for a job) that resulted in me ending up in biashara and bummingham/unemployment which is a chronic problem for many graduates in modern Kenya, I was fortunate/unfortunate to learn the hard way that you are screwed if you are a nobody without connections in this town. In short if you don’t know the right people you should not even bother to get a degree or a diploma. Just tell your folks to hook you up with the cash you start a business and save yourself the agony-seriously. That's my deduction on the situation. It will deal with unemployment; sort out the problem of overcrowded universities and having to print out a gazillion copies of you resumes and academic papers and distributing them to HR trays that will then transfer them to the departmental shredder. The problem that may persist however is that most unqualified people will continue to get jobs that other people are qualified for and solutions to this little quagmire are quite welcome! Have a connectively productive day people

Older Generations

Just recently I had the great opportunity of hanging out with some pretty old school people (in one instance my old lady was in the mix). These individuals and I really had a good time with them recounting fun times in their days and what people in my generation missed out. One thing was clear though at the end of those lovely discussions filled with laughter and good memories, the future generations are a bit of a disappointment for the old. Which makes you wonder, who or what went wrong? These old timers talked of how there wasn’t anything such as the existence of disrespect and so many of the ills commonly available leo. Pierced ears, tiny skirts, underage drinking and teenage sex among others were unheard of. And that makes me wonder what did these guys do to pass time and for entertainment, that's where LPs, love mix tapes (making a tape recording of your girl’s favourite ballad playlist and writing all the lyrics down for her) creative mchongowano, games and love letters-yes love letters come in. Some of these old timers have mad lines and I’m sure if young dudes would spend some more time with them, they would have better game and a little more respect for what’s around them. Spend some time with the old schoolers people, the knowledge they have is uncomparable and precious!

Musings from Safari Yangu Ndogo

So my visit to Afrika Kusini was interesting and entertaining simultaneously! Firts thing that hit me is how much potential we have to be on their level and how unfortunately we aren’t-pity! After visiting different parts of the country I was able to sample different new experiences most of which were enjoyable. Anyway to cut a long story short, here is a summary of some of the peculiarities and interesting things I noticed about the place.

1. They always ask FELLOW Africans, ‘How is Africa?’ ( A little FYI guys, last I checked you are in Africa!)

2. Few understand how you can actually draw the whole map of Africa and explain where Kenya is

3. Majority at the soccer stadiums and fan parks were fully convinced that the Kenyan flag is the Swaziland flag. I know I couldn’t understand that too

4. Few know that other African countries fought for their independence, they are only aware of their country’s freedom struggles

5. They are super patriotic. Very proud of their nationality and NEVER hesitant to show it which I found to be pretty cool!

6. Other frequently asked questions; You’re Kenyan right, can you run fast? Can you jump (like a Maasai), Why are you short and light? We thought all Kenyans are slim dark and can run!

7. They have white folks everywhere, and I mean everywhere. Found it weird having white staff serving me in restaurants, banks, shops, white cops, and the list is endless! In Kenya, catch white people dead in these employment positions!

8. It is a country of diverse cultures and traditions-call it one ginormous melting pot of sorts! Imagine the cuisine- ended up adding a few kgs while their

9. Awesome architecture galore everywhere you look, modern has been incorporated with traditional styles also some are quirky, funky, and unique and the blend is just awesome.

10. The roads there are HEAVENLY! First thing I noticed when I got back is how deplorable ours are and how I miss theirs! Tuko down na barabara zetu.